TOP TERMS & CONCEPTS FOR PARENTS TO LEARN

The Triangle

• The Child’s Role
1. The child is the performer, which is the role being analyzed most often.
2. If youth sports were a business, the children would be the employees. As such, their performance on the field, personal growth, and relationships with teammates (among other things) are viewed by the other 2 roles in the triangle as the outcome or “products”.
3. The parent and coach work to improve the products in different ways. The goal by the end of the season is improvement and growth.
4. Other than choosing to play sports and being a good teammate, the child is most responsible for giving their best effort at all times.
• Responsibilities of the Child:
1. Internalize the spirit of competition. Learning to win and lose gracefully is a life skill. Winning matters. Children that can’t internalize this should seek out more appropriate activities or participate in intramural sports.
2. Internalize the fundamentals of competitive sport (see The Coach’s Role). Children must know how to treat others properly, play the game correctly, and strive to develop intangible skills like work-ethic.
3. Give their best effort.  Children, like adults, can’t be expected to give 100% everyday. They should strive to give the best they have that day.  Even when life gets in the way, level of effort is always controllable by the child.
   
   
• The Coach’s Role
1. The coach is the leader of the team- period. This is not negotiable. Because this is true, it’s his or her right to make judgment calls and decisions regardless of the opinions of others. If youth sports were a business, the coach would be the CEO of the company.
2. The coach’s job is to get the team to maximize their performance. Decisions are made from that lens.
3. Generally speaking, the coach’s individual choices should not be analyzed under a microscope. His or her performance should be evaluated based off a broad body of evidence. This evaluation usually takes place at the conclusion of the season.
• Responsibilities of the Coach:
1. Teach the fundamentals of competitive sport:
1. Competition- How to win, lose, and accept a role on the team.
2. Skill Development- The fundamental skills needed to excel in a given sport. In basketball, layups and free throws would be examples of fundamental skills.
3. Sportsmanship- How to treat opposing players, teammates, officials, and the coach.
4. Work-Ethic and Character- Ask children to do more than they thought possible. Teach children that one’s character is defined by who they are when no one’s watching.
5. Commitment To Excellence- Do things right the first time. Teach kids that if they want to succeed, they must do the little things incredibly well.
2. Communicate with parents.  Other than developing the fundamentals of competitive sport, communication to parents must be a priority of the coach.  It is imperative that you establish strong lines of communication. You will undoubtedly breed confusion and resentment against your biggest support system if you don’t.  The coach doesn’t like talking to parents? Then they shouldn’t coach. They must like working with people enough to deal with them. Remember:
1. A coach that knows a lot about their sport is an expert.
2. A coach that can get athletes to do what they ask is a teacher.
3. A coach that keeps parents involved is an effective communicator.
4. An expert, a teacher, and an effective communicator make a good coach.
3. Share coaching philosophy with the community.  The leader of the team should share his or her coaching philosophy and vision for the season with parents and athletes from day 1.
1. What is the goal by the end of the season?
2. What should parents expect to see by the end of the season?
3. What does winning mean to the coach?
4. Without sharing their vision, it will be the blind leading the blind. This often leads a group of parents to believe the coach can’t properly lead their kids.  And if the coach provides no foundation to interpret his actions, why should they?  A good coach shares his or her vision so everyone else can get behind it.
4. Provide a medium for feedback, and be open to receiving it.  At the end of the day, coaching is a job. Accepting feedback is crucial to a coach’s development.  It is a coach’s responsibility to be open to other perspectives. It is also his or her responsibility to provide a preferred medium for receiving feedback.  Whether it’s email, phone calls, or chats after practice, the coach must establish firm boundaries. This is the only time or setting that parents are welcome to solicit feedback on the team or their athlete.  It’s a coach’s job to refer parents to their preferred medium when parents deviate from it.

• The Parent’s Role
1. The parent is the support system for both child and coach- in that order.
2. Support includes providing transportation, encouragement, and communicating with the coach. Undivided support should be the essence of all of their actions.
3. If youth sports were a business, a parent would be like a member of the board of directors.
4. Parent support is so essential to the Youth Sports Triangle that good coaching and child development cannot happen without it.
• Responsibilities of the Parent:
1. Support the child.  The parent should get the child to practice on time. He or she should celebrate him or her after a big win, and emotionally support their child when things don’t go their way.
2. Support the coach.  The parent should know the coach’s vision, buy into it, and reference it during times of adversity with their child. Listen for common language you hear the coach using most often, and reinforce it at home.  Treat your child’s season as a marriage. Understand that the coach and parent have the same goal, which is to be successful.  But remember, he or she may try to accomplish that goal differently than you might.  As a parent, supporting the coach is as much about what you don’t do as what you do. Speaking negatively about the coach or enabling gossip in front of your child can permanently break relationships within the Youth Sports Triangle.  Parents with experience in a sport should not overrule or disagree with the coach’s judgment. Your experience can be an asset to the coach, but it is his or her decision whether they choose to utilize your skills.
3. Communicate concerns by asking real questions.  Inevitably, concerns will arise when you are the parent of a student-athlete. The magnitude of them will differ, but they will come. There is too much at stake.  It is the parent’s responsibility to handle their concerns like an adult. They can do this by asking questions that allow them to take control in a supporting role.  For example, “I’m trying to understand your reason for not playing some of the reserve players last game. Is there anything we can be doing at home or that Michael could practice on weekends that could lead to more playing time?”  Don’t disguise a diss as a question. Sending an email with, “Can you explain why Dylan isn’t playing more?”, is not an appropriate question.  It’s disrespectful, selfish, and probably won’t help Dylan see the field more. “Questions” like this do a mediocre job of hiding the fact that you don’t believe the coach is doing a good job.  Use phrasing like, “I’m trying to understand…”, “What can we be working on?”, and “How can I help?”
4. Respect the coach’s preferred medium for feedback.  Respect the coach’s boundaries and use his preferred medium for receiving feedback about the team. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like writing emails and would prefer to call him on the phone after work.  This is a fair compromise. Remember, youth sports are not about you.  If the coach doesn’t communicate a preferred medium, offer to help support him or her by setting one up.